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Subscribe to RSSLet me start by saying, “I am not the perfect parent.” I knew that going in. Don’t we all?
But what I’ve discovered about parenting over the past month has really been eye-opening for me.
We approached this special hour of Dateline NBC with a simple question—We all try to be “good” parents, but are we being “effective”? Are the lessons we try to teach our children about critical decision-making moments really sticking with them?
To be honest, we brainstormed dozens of ideas that we could test in action. But we couldn’t fit that many in an hour of television so we had to limit ourselves to a few key areas.
We looked for issues that face kids from toddler-hood to adolescence and we chose four:
• What would children do if they witnessed bullying?
• Would teenagers get into a car with someone who they think has been drinking?
• How would they deal with a stranger at their front door?
• Would teenagers text while driving even when they know a camera is in the car?
And we turned the tables to ask kids how they view their parents’ use of hand-held technology. This is the one that really got to me.
I sat with a group of four to seven-year-olds who told me how “sad” they feel when mommy or daddy picks up the cell phone or Blackberry in the middle of playtime and starts typing or talking.
When I had a producer call me in the middle of our interview (to see how the kids would react), little Jake said, and I quote: “I feel like you don't even care about me. You only care about the phone.”
Ouch.
I went home that night and immediately talked with my own kids—ages five and seven. I knew I was guilty of the occasional lapse but, oh boy, did they give me an earful.
Since then, I’ve tried to enforce “no phone” zones and I’m more consciously trying to get down on their level and look them in the eye when they want my attention. Little things, I know, but they’ve noticed.
And there’s more. Children—even the little ones—told us they see mom and dad texting while driving. The teens said that’s one of the reasons they think it’s OK to do.
What else did I learn? We need to talk with our kids early and often about all of these subjects. And role playing—as weird as it might sound—is key. At my house we’ve been acting out what to do if someone comes to the door. For teens, we need to give them the tools to find a way out of a bad situation. All the experts say that we can help them to save face and avoid embarrassment if we parents make ourselves the bad guys. For example, saying “My Mom will take away my license if I get in the car with someone who’s been drinking so I just can’t” is a lot easier than trying to come up with an excuse.
I’ve told my friends to try and watch the hour with their kids. I hope you will too.
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Watch exclusive videos from 'The Perils of Parenthood', airing Monday at 10pm/9c. The full hour can be viewed here.
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I read this article with interest. I used to believe that there were no bad kids, just bad parents. I have come to believe that mostly we parents do the best we can, and things just happen. I have 2 boys. When they were small I thought I did everything right. We ate dinner together almost every night through high school. I encouraged creativity and thinking by not allowing any television during school nights, so there was no rushing through homework to get to it. This also lasted through high school. I expected physical exercise even if not team sport participation. All of this ended up involving much participation by me, which was quite tiring, but I felt important. There were no computers in their rooms, just a family computer. Both kids were brilliant students. So, my oldest son was valedictorian of his high school class, went to Ivy League school and Ivy League Law school. My younger son, a year younger, got accepted to the university of his choice early decision and became a drug addict. I can't think of anything I would have done differently.
Denise Krochta
Author - "Sweat: A Practical Plan for Keeping Your Heart Intact While Loving an Addict"
When I used to live and work in Asia, I have been always "on-call" which I really hate especially on weekends. Then I realized how it was affecting my 3 year old in terms of communications. So I quit my job, got rid of my cell phone and moved. Now that I'm a full time mom, I feel so great having all that time to grow and learn the facts of life with my kids and still loving it every minute everyday.
I have to say the advice given by the expert to the kids when a stranger knocks on your door screaming for help was very disappointing.
Children should be instructed if this happens to not open the door, but to immediately call 911 or the police to alert them that someone needs help and has knocked on their door seeking help. This way, if a person is really in trouble, getting help immediately would be the best thing one could do. And if the person is a fake and wants to harm the child, it will protect the child from a potential break in or predator attack. It will help police nab him early. To do nothing was useless and could actually allow people to suffer, die or get hurt.
Kids today are not raised the same as they did 20 years ago. Due to the economy. Instead of one parent working, it takes two. Families can't even sit down to eat dinners together much anymore because work schedules come first to pay the mortgage. All of this not only puts a strain on the parents, but on a child as well. Yes, the child. The attention is not there, because we are so focused on where the next dollar is coming from that we are not looking in front of us that our future kids need to be raised as well. They go off to school frustrated and angry not knowing what to do about the whole situation at home and feeling insecure. So what do they do, take it out on the nearest person that even looks crooked at them. "Bullying" The innocent ones end up getting hurt. This is what our economy has done not only to our hard working parents, but to hard working children that are trying to learn for the future. How do we expect them to be our future if they don't get the example today for the future?
I was watching the show and the part that got my atention was opening the door to stangers. For me my little step brother always tells me when someone is at the door,I look though the eye hole thingy and open the door. But in the show it says dont open the door,so how are we gonna find out what they want or trying to do by not opening the door I wouldnt want to yell to find out.Also the cell phone is true YES there needs to be a time where you devote your time to your kids but that could be hard based on the parents job. In my family we dont sit down to have dinner we all have a different shedules but when we do we dont use our cells phones one because i find it very rude and disrespectful to who ever made the meal and not really care how long it took to make it and I dont want to get the phone drity. Teens drinking like come on look that thier reactions the kid was all laughing trying to seem all cool. Im in high school and pretty much every softmores think it's really cool to drink.
I am a counselor in a middle school. I am looking for an archived piece that Diane Sawyer had done I think the title was "Girls, Girls, Girls". The topic ws relational aggression. I'm writing because I was told this was a good piece and another school used it in a lesson.